Yup. I want em’. This is my declaration to finally giving in to the idea. Seeing my friends so happy and how much of that happiness comes from their kids made me realize that I could get in on that idea. But anyway, that’s all I got.
I knew going into 2012 that drastic things were going to happen and it scared me because I had no idea what they were. It’s April 25th and a third of the way through the year and it’s become very apparent what that feeling was about.
Change amongst my friends who over the past few years have become my second family. Two girlfriends are pregnant, one is about to get married on Saturday, my best friend from high school is already married and the majority of everyone else is married or in serious relationships.
Then there is me. Working my ass off and pursuing my passion for photography. Lately I have this ongoing feeling of being lost or mis-guided. I can’t really explain why. I know deep down that I want to move away but where? I had a huge connection with Chicago the last time I was there and even applied to a bunch of jobs. No dice. So I put the job hunting on the back burner to concentrate on my current job and photography. The feeling was gone for awhile but with each passing day it gets stronger. My desire for Chicago has turned to a question of, is this the right place? I am not as drawn to it as much as I once was. Not sure why. I am planning on visiting again in June so we will see if that has any affect on me. I know Denver is where my heart is. I have always been drawn to that beautiful place. I know I want to start a family close to my family so Denver is where I see myself ending up at some point. But is that time now?
I don’t know. So, I decided that I will continue the job hunt and put my eggs in two baskets, Denver and Chicago. I guess fate will have to decide my next move. If there is one at all.
Last night I had one of those ah ha moments. I was sitting in at a friends interview of Between the Notes at the Wild Goose creative space. It’s a project a local artist started up where he interviews local artists, mainly musicians on life, how they got started and what drives them, etc.. It was pretty interesting. I got to see a glimpse into the past life and brain of a friend. The topic of communication came up. Musicians make music for others to hear, not just for themselves. The conversation elaborated and it got me thinking about my own life and how I use my creative mind to communicate with others. I studied Strategic Communication in college so it started way before I even knew what I was doing with my life. Problem solving and thinking out side of the box have always come natural to me. My interests in Photography started way back in high school. So it made sense that as an artist the way I communicate is through the images in my head. I see things in a way most don’t and I want to share those images with those around me. Whether that’s online for strangers to see or printed images for my friends and family. I love exploring. Every artist has a drive. Exploring is my drive. I want to capture what most don’t see in the day to day and allow them to stop for just a moment and see the beauty and on some occasion the emotion in it.
I left the creative space feeling really good about what I am doing. You have to have drive, determination and a vision all while working your ass off to be able to get where you want to be. No one is going to do it for you.
Every artist is different, like every art piece is different. Whether you write music, paint, write for a paper, design logo’s or photograph what it’s in front of you, you are uniquely different in your own way. As an artist I had the hardest time really figuring out what was the one medium I was really good at. Yea, I enjoy painting and drawing but the one medium I always had a natural talent for was photography. It’s my natural high, besides listening to music. It’s the one thing I can do for hours at a time and never get sick of. I remember being at a crossroad 2 years back. I was doing things on my own again, advancing my career but yet still felt like I was missing something. It was then I realized I knew I had to take the one natural thing I enjoyed doing and really do it. So I bought what I needed to get started and I’ve been sailing forward ever since. Once you figure out what your calling is, embrace it to the fullest extent. You never know where it will take you.
Well yesterday was the first Valentine’s Day in about 8 years that I really enjoyed. Went on a date with a good friend of mine who has been on the Niki train since day one. He was going through a really bad breakup when we met. Huge red flag. But it’s been about 8 months now and I think he has come to terms with it. We hang out a lot. And by that I mean at least 2 – 3 times a week.Usually end up at the local jazz club a few blocks from me. Love the atmosphere and the people. He is good man. Funny, very smart, a musician and makes me laugh, a lot. Treats me like a man should. Not sure if anything will come about from it but I think we both may be ready to find out.