Can’t shake this feelin’.

I don’t know what triggered it or exactly when it started but I have this feeling/pressure in my chest. I don’t eat because of it. It reminds me of how I felt when Mike died. Not the emotional part but how my body felt when it happened. Or the way you feel after a bad breakup. It may be anxiety from all the shit that is going on with my family. If I lost my dad, I don’t know what I would do. He is my rock. Maybe it’s always having to be the glue that holds the family together, the mediator, the strong one or the one who will say the things no else will.

I know I have a slight anxiety from flying but I have flown a lot and can’t recall ever feeling like this.

It could be the reaction to my ex-boyfriend calling me and threatening me because he is claiming that I am “fucking with his phone”. I blocked all means of communication for a reason. After the events during our relationship and me throwing all of his shit on the street when I found out the truth, who really knows what he would do. He is a sociopath.  I was nervous to go to work today, which is very abnormal for me.

Maybe the feeling comes from a bit of it all. Being an independent, 25 year old single woman in this, still, man inferior world. I am scared. I am afraid of rejection and failing. I want to be able to say that I did it. I did it all on my own.

Maybe it comes from the unknown. Which normally, I can shake.

 

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